The Avoidance Club, A Draft

We’ve discovered that many of our cohort (70+ and retired) avoid the same things we do. They can meet for lunch, but not dinner, don’t drive at night anymore. They need to leave by three to avoid rush hour. “No, no,” they say dismissively, as if it’s what they’ve always done: “I don’t drive in rush hour.”

The daffodils arranged themselves so nicely this spring.

These discoveries made me realize we’re members of The Avoidance Club and we have a growing list of verboten activities. I joined the club before Covid but have sworn to uphold more of its avoidance oaths since. Here are some of the things all Club members in good standing now avoid:

Crowds: anytime, anywhere, for any reason.

Leaving the house: it becomes more and more pointless. Everything we need is here.

Noise: we are now confident enough to walk into a restaurant, hear the sound level and walk back out again. The hostess gives us a questioning look. “Too loud,” we say, smiling, although she can’t see that through our masks.

Restaurants in general: unless at five p.m. on a Tuesday or seven a.m. on a Friday with five other people in the place and music that’s not too loud. We’d be wildly out of touch with today’s reality to hope for no music at all.

Quince in April bloom

Rush Hour: no driving between the hours of 4 – 6 p.m. The morning rush hour is purported to still exist, but we have no way of knowing. We have breakfast and our second cup of coffee while making sure Zelenskyy’s still alive and finding out the latest on Florida’s math book ban. Around 9, we amble upstairs to our studios to work.

Airports: see notes about crowds and noise above. This avoidance makes it hard to travel. Oh, well. Been there, done that. (Why do I think this sour-grapes response won’t last?)

Stores: grocery shopping in masks on a weekday morning by 8:30, before the crowds. Morning traffic not a factor, no major arteries involved. We shop in our neighborhood, nine blocks away.

Eating after seven p.m.: If we want to keep any social connections, we must allow exceptions to this rule, but it makes us sad. Dinner at our house is at 5:30, and nothing is consumed after seven. We go to bed to read at nine, sleep by ten. This habit aids sleep and digestion. I recommend it as a spiritual practice. (If you’re observing Ramadan, it won’t work for you.)

Guests in the home: two at a time, max; must show vaccination cards, stay a maximum of three days, be capable of entertaining themselves.

Teaching in person: you know you can do that online, right? Why would I ever teach in person again? I’d have to get dressed and leave the house. God forbid, even drive in rush hour.

Poetry readings: see “Teaching in person” above

Art openings: events at which there’s no seating, minimal snacks, and it’s difficult to see the art because of all the people. See Avoidance note about crowds, above. We’ll visit the gallery another time.

Of course, some avoidances should be resisted:

Exercise: Pre-Covid, we went to the gym three times a week. Now we are bewildered as to how that ever fit into our busy schedules, which most of the time require not leaving the house. And yet, exercising at home is repugnant. It’s a conundrum. A solution may not exist.

Writing: brushing my teeth after breakfast, I realize the bathroom sink needs cleaning. “Don’t do it,” I warn myself. “It’s an avoidance move. You have a blog to finish this morning.”

The blog doesn’t get finished, but I have a sparkling sink.

Fellow members of the Avoidance Club, there must be other things we’re avoiding that I’ve forgotten. Please add those in comments below. That’s why it’s “The Avoidance Club, A Draft.”  And because I also avoid revision.

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9 Responses to The Avoidance Club, A Draft

  1. Bob Jaeger says:

    Cleaning the house: any visitors today? No. I’ll go for a long walk instead, then sit and read, watch dust float lazily in sun shining through unwashed window.

  2. Jana says:

    Long walks? They can be avoided by checking the temperature. Sometimes it’s just too cold, other times, it’s way too hot.

  3. Jenny-Lynn says:

    Oh, this is so good—true and hilarious! Restaurants, in general, but especially after 6! I will add, thinking about anything serious can be avoided with minimal exertion.

  4. Renée Ruderman says:

    Naps – Just have them, but avoid them after 4:30 pm. Too close to dinner and bedtime at 9:00.

    • dubrava says:

      No naps after 4:30, people! This will be hard for teachers. But Renée also observes a humane bedtime: I approve!

  5. Andrea Jones says:

    I considered petitioning for an associate membership, on the basis of longstanding avoidance policies regarding crowds (good lord, people actually go to festivals and concerts and such by choice??), noise, and so on. If I can possibly avoid leaving the property, I will (body weight workout routines abound online, and those stretches I do in the living room, occasionally, are like yoga, sort of).

    But lately elements of the Old Life are pressing back in: I flew to see my Mom a few weeks ago, and I am scheduled to attend–in person–a writing conference, now looming a week away. Fifty people sure sounds like a crowd. I’m not convinced I’m ready, but I’m going.

    • dubrava says:

      Ah, the Old Life attempting to return! Brave woman, attending a writing conference. I remember those, vaguely.

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